12.11.02 - 3:09 pm

i saw a job listing on craigslist for a job at CIIS. that is, the california institute of integral studies. the only place in san francisco i really really really want to work. so i printed out my cover letter and resume and marched down there, infiltrated the office of the person who was doing the hiring, and handed it over. she looked at me patiently and somewhat skeptically, said thank you, and added the resume to the stack of 150 resumes that she was reviewing. i left very depressed, discouraged, and worried. not only for myself but for the thousands of smart and capable and spiritual and ambitious people in this city who are having to do what i did today, which is take a ten dollar an hour salesgirl job because no other doors are open.

the salesgirl job is probably actually going to be fun. it is for the first lush store in the USA. it's really not enough money to afford to do much besides pay rent and bills and eat, but i have some other stuff i'm doing on the side which should help, and as far as droog jobs go, this company is great. they make cool stuff, strive to have a friendly and good workplace, and don't test on animals or use preservatives or anything gross like that. and they don't care if i dress like a freak and have pink dreadlocks. ok.

but it doesn't stop me from worrying, just slightly, about my future, and what this means for it. ultimately i want to be running my own business and hopefully creating a community space for my friends and lovers from omega, some kind of project we can all work on together to make a space for spirit. i'm not sure how it all fits right now. time will tell.

sigh. reality is a harsh mistress sometimes.