13.10.02 - 7:05 pm

i was sleeping but it all fell apart, because of my dreams of them, and the constellation aries, and einstein, and messages from something beyond myself. i bore down, in my sleep, on the dreams. i wanted the dreams so badly that i lost them, waking myself up from too much effort but still having to remind myself where i was upon waking. my dreams have been like that this week, when i wake up, i have to remind myself where i am, and what's been going on. "they're not here. i'm in san francisco with peter." i say to myself, propped up slightly in our blue room, confused.

all this after falling asleep planning some sort of semi-fantastical escape, a game to make the reintegration into real life seem less scary. yeah, after falling asleep turning over my memories very carefully, checking their details to be sure they are really memories and not imaginings.

...

a gemini waxed my legs the other day. she said "scorpios are my lessons." she said, "you wanna learn about boundaries, just spend some time around a scorpio." i bit my tongue.

fuck, the sunrise is beautiful.