17.09.02 - 12:41 am

hmm. i'm hungry and cranky after a long night at work. got off late. it's really wet outside. it's not raining, but everything is covered in mist and condensation. all the books in my room have withered from the dampness, their pages forming paper waves within their bindings.

and i am leaving in just a few days. the beauty is all skidding to a halt now. i'm watching it fade in slow motion, each day, as i become unable to focus on being here and unable to focus on going home.

i have two new tattoos, symmetrical, beautiful and honest. one on each arm. photos, at some point, perhaps after i get home.

there are so many new people in my heart, a team of lovers formed in the heat and wind and wet of this finite campus. it is my dream to make a place to hold them, a building like my heart, a sheltering place for the people i need in my life.

mercury retrograde began, and like a ninny i started with the intense decisions, the calling, the summoning of the complexities. kissing him, illicit, in the red light of my room, in the mystical hour before dawn. and it was a secret, we agreed, our eyes agreed. i clamored to bring more of his lip into my mouth in that brief, now throughly dead, 30 seconds. a slow build, a crescendo, now a hollow echo in my head when i think his name, as i have been often, for more than a month.

how is it that there are so many amazing people on this planet? how is it that i have a way to love the ones that are mine so throughly and gut wrenchingly?

i am feeling numbed and deadened by the constant assault on my senses, all the beauty, all the glory of the summer, coming down onto me in these final days full of mist.

new plans spring from what i've learned here. i am cleansed. my intentions are pure.

love.