26.08.02 - 12:03 am

i found a bag of sage in a classroom, while i was cleaning. dusty grey leaves encased in plastic. i thought, for some reason, that they must belong to therese, even though i have never talked to her and do not know much about her besides that she is a shaman of some sort. i wanted to keep the sage but i saw therese at lunch and showed it to her. is this yours? dangling the bag up. she shook her head. i explained that i'd found the sage in a classroom. she said i think it was meant to go to you. validated by the shaman, i put my sage away into my pocket.

tonight i got very restless and felt like something needed to happen. i groaned a lot and wiggled impatiently in my chair. josh came to see me and sat across from me, shaking his head. he said, YOU NEED A RELEASE. he was right. he put his sweaty sauna towel over my head and slapped at my body yelling crazy things and telling me i was having therapy and being cured of my addictions. he's always slapping thoughtlessly at my ears. i'm always telling him that they hurt a lot because of the conch piercings, but he doesn't heed me. so there i was with his sweaty towel over my head, my sore ears being walloped, however gently, and being yelled at. it kind of helped. i went and cleaned my room.

i listened to bright eyes and threw a lot of things away. next door, chris angel's room is empty and has become a sort of lounge. people were there listening to ani difranco, then pj harvey, then ween. i enjoy speaking to the lounge briefly through the window. basically i enjoy speaking honestly and briefly then running away.

i am craving physical contact so much that it's affecting my mood. i realized today after josh lay platonically on me for some time that i was feeling much better afterward. i stroked his back for a while and he curled up wordlessly on my chest and belly. after he kissed me on the cheek and left, i felt so much calmer. before that i'd been walking around feeling like a rabid dog or something. hugs are pretty good but i'm thinking i need some extended cuddles to feel ok.