25.07.02 - 12:20 am

after waking up, i generally go directly out my door and sit on the porch with the ten or so smokers who congregate there around lunch time. some days i wake up before lunchtime, but this week i'm working the late shift so i'm waking up at noon.

it's both good and bad to be immediately dropped into a group of people upon waking. it's good because it's humbling to be in your pajamas all sleepy around people you work with. it forces you to remember that you're all human. it's bad because sometimes it's jarring to wake up to the conversations.

today i heard brandon behind me on the stairs to my room. he was sitting there doing something, maybe just staring. when he first arrived i wasn't sure about him, but i've decided i like him. he can be verbally challenging. he can also be hilarious and refreshing. the thing today was that he muttered, behind me: but she just makes it too concise and too clear that johanna's not here. a few minutes later we were sitting around the corner under the trees listening to "visions of johanna." talking about bob dylan. i was in my pj's. it was 1pm. i was drinking coffee and it was shady and dappled and the conversation wasn't a flowing river, it was more of a pond, or maybe it wasn't water at all.

so many other things happened today. i rode in a car with two leos. my period bled on. in the sanctuary i witnessed, for the second night in a row, a man from ireland singing to photos of his guru and playing accordion as accompianment. he sang all i know / is that i love you / and that my nature is joy. over and over he sang. i was supposed to be straightening pillows but i kneeled down to listen. it's a beautiful mantra. he seems like a very sincere person. he has round glasses and a bald head, he is youthful, and all of his face seems to blend together in a pleasing way.

i'm really detached from my body lately. it's hard. it's making me forget things and be generally spacy and sometimes cranky.

ok.