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10.07.02 - 8:20 am
my elbow is killing me. take your breath away pain, every few minutes. i force myself to breathe through it. i realized when i turned on the vacuum cleaner this morning, to vacuum a classroom, that it's related to pulling the vacuum cleaner. on sunday i must have vacuumed three hours straight.alex grey is here. i feel intense regret for not taking the week long art intensive workshop he and his wife allyson are doing. i go into their classroom and want to stay. it's amazing. art supplies everywhere. they're in there right now drawing two nude models, while intense fast drumming is playing. there's a skateboard near the door, and two of the participants have wacky colored hair. my people.
got up at 4:30am today. chugged some coffee, a rare treat i give myself on days that i wake up to open doors at 5am. it was blue and misty upon my waking. i love breakfast because i love seeing everyone so sleepy. my friends hunching or slumping near their food and coffee. sometimes still in pjs, though not often enough. more people should wear their pjs to breakfast.
i've taken to riding in the golf cart like a ruffian, one foot hanging off the side. sometimes barefoot, always singing. i love mornings here, i love being awake for them. i laugh and smile to myself alone all morning. this morning i was talking to myself at 6am while counting chairs and pillows for inventory.
had a long conversation with josh the photographer last night. we discussed our mutual hesitance to shamelessly express our emotions in the various forums offered for that purpose here. we've been avoiding the classes, the healing circles, the group sharing sessions. we decided last night that since we're here we may as well go for it. what other time in your life will you have to just shamelessly sob in front of strangers about your fucked up childhood? that was the question posed. may as well go with it. we made a pact to go to one of the staff cry-fests on thursday. two cynics who need a release.
i said to him, "i'm terrified of doing anything undignified" and he said "me too. i'm british you know."
last night was a staff talent show. there's a kid here named jed who walks around with dragonflies on his shoulders. he's incredibly ethereal. one day i watched him put three big cookies in a bowl, pour heavy cream over them, and eat them with a spoon. when i asked him what he was doing he said "just feeding myself." that was his entire lunch. he's an astrologer. last night he sang a song about kurt cobain. the chorus: kurt, kurt, his stomach hurt, his life was a series of crises. he was such a sensitive pisces.
i smell so good today, i smell warm and sweet like food and coffee. i smell a way that xep would really like. my smell is underappreciated here. actually DISLIKED by some. fucking east coast. there are two people here who i want to sniff a lot. josh the photographer, specificallly his long hair, which smells like nag champa and other smoke products, and radhu the flut playing pisces. i don't know what he smells like just yet but i need to find out. also, i need to write a paragraph about radhu and nathan because they're so great, but i can't do it right this second.
kurt, kurt, his stomach hurt.
ok i have to go vacuum stuff.
(linky tradie: darkness.cairine.org, eatshit, joanna, joeaverage, jim, drew, suicidegirls.com, oof, bobby, chaya, swinney.org, trouble, xep, coleen, joyrider, stoo, domini, zum online, qq, others later)