10.06.02 - 1:02 am

today, vacuuming became a walking meditation. poetry is brewing, somewhere, inside the motion of my arm as it pushpulls the vacuum in precise lines on the rugs. classroom after classroom. a deliberate movement, many deliberate movements.

i rode through the forest from sanctuary with the headlights off. risky business in a silent electric disneyland vehicle.

he lives at the corner where the road to sanctuary is. on the way up and down i checked his window for signs of life. none, but the large tree that grows near his dorm is wet and honors me by allowing me to lay eyes upon it. it's beautiful, it's beautiful when i walk past it in a rainstorm to pee, it's beautiful when i climb up into its v-shaped nestling grounds, it's beautiful when i trip over its roots. the roots are amazing, rivers of wood with rocks between them, moss growing on them.

i was sick yesterday, and the day before. not quite sure what it was all about. holly with the wonderful crow's feet and black braids, she found me sitting weakly on the bathroom floor. she's capricorn moon, a caretaker. she took my pulse and gave me homeopathics. i got a fever and lay in my tent delirious for some time. i took some advil and two hours later my fever broke and i was made of sweat.

i found myself sitting in staff dining, ravenous, then. i ate two bagels and a popsicle foisted upon me. josh who lives in my campground, he buys icee pops by the hundred and eats about 20 at a time, one after another. he has trouble with moderation and his face is some kind of caricature. he makes me a little uncomfortable only because he can be unpredictably terse. but as i sat post-fever in badly lit staff dining, he handed me a popsicle and it was good. i was reading an article about brain chemistry someone left on the board, and thoroughly enjoying it. we talked about it and surmised i must be a geek.

that's one thing i'm learning here, i am a geek. i enjoy tedium. hanging around jon a lot is a lesson about that, because he's actually more intuition based than i am, he'd really rather feel his way around problems and he really doesn't like structured studying or learning. he likes for people to tell him. i like for people to tell me too, but it's strange to be around someone who's almost more my perceived self than i am.

i've learned so many things here actually. i've learned to shit with other people in the bathroom, for one. i've stopped drinking coffee, i've learned that i can immerse openly in groups of people if i feel that they will support me. i've learned how to drive a golf cart, how to hokie a rug, how to use a high end vacuum cleaner. i've learned where the lightswitches and thermostats are for every building on this fucking campus. i've learned that my standards are somewhat high about some things, especially camping gear and dance music. not even high, just.. specific. i'm more exacting than i thought. i've been thinking about my saturn in virgo, wondering if that's what it's all about. being exacting, discerning.

i guess i've been thinking about astrology a lot and become utterly unabashed about it. it's nice to know stuff that people are interested in here. people keep asking me to look at their charts, which is funny because i know there's so much i don't know. the real meat is the aspects between planets and i'm just not there yet. it's with the aspects that i feel i can really help people use what they've given themselves. up until i understand aspects, i'm just telling people things they already know about themselves: "oh you have moon in aries, you need almost brutal honesty to feel safe," and there's a certain "ooh ahh" to that. but it's not helping anyone.

anyway.

things are settling in here, they're less romantic and more realistic today. maybe because mercury went direct, maybe because the moon's in taurus, maybe because it's just time for things to be that way. i feel a little antsy, like i need some outside input. i want visitors, or i want to go to new york city.