01.06.02 - 11:49 pm

he pulled on me, his hands on my arm. holding my wrist in one hand and my elbow in the other. pressing into my bicep. sadness welled up inside and we both felt it.

it was so dark in his room and things were foreign and i felt so exposed. foreign: his accent, the smells, the light, the words.

so much wasn't foreign though. a safety net of energy, a comforting pod of neptune.

he removed his hands from me rather suddenly, moved them out to make a circle over my inner elbow. i sense sadness there. let me hold this space for you so you can feel it.

it's the type of thing i cannot write about without seeming insane, "out there," duped or wrong. i'm looking you in the eye right now and telling you, it's real. he's a real honest person who lives on earth and he can do these things. he's not "out there," he's just a guy named jon.

years ago, at 16, i met a person online who told me that he was psychic. he was honest about it and trusted me to believe him. it was late one night, i was living in florida then, and i was so sticky and covered with mosquito bites. just like i am here, today, in upstate new york. spending days laboring in the muggy air, i am sticky.

the person then proceeded to tell me what color shirt i was wearing and what the chair i was sitting in was like. we lost touch after that night. he ended up going to the university of florida. just a regular guy.

we barrel mindlessly toward the age of aqaurius, the dawning of the brahma yuga, our pluto in sagittarius for thirteen years. we move like bumbling idiots towards a time when this will be natural. it will be natural that after holding a person's hand for two hours he will be able to speak my mind for me accurately. it will be natural and it won't be something reserved for those of us who can take it.

this is a place where psychic energy is accepted and encouraged. this is a place where no one finds it weird that when i was 18 i channeled a dead person twice and never told anyone about it besides the person who saw me burst into tears and speak for someone else. i was ashamed, i was crazy.

i don't know where i'm headed and i'm kind of afraid of what happens when jon puts his hand on my ear and knows what is going on inside. but like i said to him night before last, when you're this compelled towards something, what other choice do you have.

in our composite chart: chiron conjuct moon.

...

life here at omega is glorious. time is neverending, the air is the same temperature as our bodies and we are part of air. it's a small place, it's immersive, i am here, and no place else. it permeates me and defies explanation.

i am a worker here, i feel priveleged to be so. i am responsible for small tasks that i feel pleased about.

i talk to peter daily and remind him of my love for him, of my eventual return to his physical location, of our plans to be bound, he reminds me that he is still there, that he trusts me, that he's had too much coffee, that we're in love.