18.01.02 - 3:06 am

i'm alone in my tiny studio apartment. i'm listening to the copy of 'selected ambient works' that someone who only identified themselves as "t" bought for me off my wishlist. who could it have been? trent? tyler? a "t" i don't know at all? a "t" who has never sent an email?

i'm burning candles and nag champa. it's peaceful here in a small way, but incorrect in a larger way, a big picture way. i don't know how to explain that better, except to say, i know i'm not where i belong right now, nor am i doing what i want to be, in life in general.

this album, selected ambient works volume II, means a lot to me. i'm not sure exactly where i was when i first heard it, but i am pretty sure it was related to jeff gage. i borrowed it from him for a long time. i left it on repeat in my apartment for days on end, i'd leave and it would be playing, i'd come home, it'd be playing. when i went to sleep, and when i woke up. there's something about having the same album on for a week that really bends time. i did it with this album, with kristen hersh, and with belle and sebastian. i never listen to any of those things much now.

i'm wearing a union suit. i'm on my period. i have honey nut cheerios for breakfast. it's really the only food in the house: soy milk, two bananas, honey nut cheerios.

i've been thinking a lot about making a www catalog of every item i own. i can remember where most things i own came from, where i got them, when i got them, and why. i think it's some kind of mild ocd that makes me want to make these documents of my life, these lists. for a while i wanted to make a list of everyone i ever met. then i found that someone online had already done it (fuck, can't find the site now, googled to no avail) and felt better.

ooh i just had a great idea! i'm all alone with aphex twin, i should definitely smoke pot! immediately!